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| I love life. I love it I love it I love it.
I dont ever want to get old!!
I have been trying to rebuild my iTunes library and it is a very fullfilling experience. I fucking love Enon. I haven't listened to them in at least a year. I also love The Olivia Tremor Control! And Beulah! And Yo La Tengo! I haven't listened to any of this in ages.
I love my friends. I love that they are moving closer. I love this city, and I love the ocean.
I just got back from Montauk. I loved that too.
I am so glad that things are looking up and it is summertime. | | |
| Really interesting article about infidelity.
http://nymag.com/relationships/sex/47055/
I particularly liked the ending:
"I talked about my failure to grasp the nettle with a couple of other men. “When we were kids, we thought we were going to grow up and be mature; we’re not going to be crazy kids,” Tuten says. “But these questions, they never have an answer or a terminal point in age. We’re crazy all the time, we’re burning all the time … When you’re in love, you’re jealous. I’m in love with a woman, she has an affair, my heart is broken. I become ill. I can’t bear it. When you’re not in love, everything is permitted.”
A gay friend who has “brooded” over his infidelity for a long time, sometimes feeling that he ought to confess, told me it’s a very 17-year-old American view of the world to think that you should tell someone you love everything and somehow the world will be a better place. Instead, he reminds himself, he’s a grown-up, he has secrets.
He’s keeping those secrets to protect himself as much as his mate. “A relationship is a myth you create with each other. It isn’t necessarily true, but it’s meaningful. The key to that myth is that the other person is enough for you. You know in your head that another person isn’t enough for you. But if you don’t honor the myth, then it crumbles.”
How’s that for a happy ending?" | | |
| I was sick and didn't leave the house on Monday and Tuesday. First it was allergies, then it was a sinus infection, then it was fever, then it was puking, and then everything in reverse. I am back to just allergies! Anyways, I have been on top of things today! I put the goddamned sheets on my bed after literally a month since they arrived home from the laundromat. Ridiculous. Also, I went to the container store and got bins for the shelf aka my wall. I dusted the shelf and put most of my stuff in the bins. I also got an under the bed storage container and filled it with off season purses and shoes. Then, I went to the grocery store. I got $70 worth of delicious healthy food. I did the dishes. I feel good.
Tomorrow, I am going to see a movie, possibly by myself. That is kind of exciting. Then, I work. On Friday I plan on writing letters and mailing them. I also work Friday night. Then, on Saturday, I have a brunch date with Fritz. I AM ON TOP OF MY SHIT.
Tonight I chose to stay in and make dinner for myself and watch a movie instead of going over to Will and Sean's. I am turning over a new leaf of taking care of myself and being productive for summer. I feel like after I get really organized, I won't have a choice but to start doing creative stuff again. And once I start the art class in June... This summer is going to rock. | | |
| I do not like it when people act like something is meaningful, and it isn't. Even to them, you know that it isn't, but people give them the benefit of the doubt and think it is profound that they have found meaning in the meaningless. But really, they are just full of shit.
I went to go see some David Byrne movie at B.A.M. tonight with Krystina. It was pretty cool. There was a question/answer portion afterwards and I liked that. It was just weird to be in a room with him speaking candidly. John Whitaker was there. I lost my phone there, which really sucks because I fly to Arkansas tomorrow before B.A.M. even opens. Good-ness.
Last night we went to some silly party. It was someone's 21st birthday party. Jason had friends over beforehand and made fancy cocktails. It was Jason, myself, Trashy, Jesse, Reese, Eric Massey, Sean, and Paul (Jason's new friend from Oliver Spencer). As per usual, the guy to girl ratio was a little dude heavy. We got pretty drunk on Black and Stormy's and danced around our apartment before we left. At the party, we felt so old! It reminded us a little of a townhouse party. The kids there (granted, I'm hardly older than them) seemed a little unsure of themselves. Not a lot of people were dancing. Until we got there and manned the Ipod. We were ridiculous. We kept yelling "College!" and high-fiving each other. Afterwards, these two girls shyly approached me and complimented my dance moves and heels. I was supremely flattered. The party was broken up when this crazy neighbor came downstairs in her bathrobe and literally threw a chair at my leg and yelled, "Who lives here?!" Ruh-roh. Last night was really great because I felt like I had a group of New York friends, and one that I really loved at that. We had so much fun.
I need to pack.
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| I love my mother, I love my father... God Smog is so fucking good. Where have I been?! I am listening to "Rock Bottom Riser" by Smog right now and it is fucking gorgeous. I have a real foul mouth (or, fingers on keyboard?) but I am not editing shit! Yeah, that's right. Listen to this song- Listen to this song and really listen to it! How can you keep your eyes open?? When he says, "Diving, diving, diving..." Oh it kills me.
I am really loving a lot of songs right now. I mean, really loving them. Sometimes it's more apathetic, but not right now. And while I am pumped up about all of this new "cool" stuff that I have come across, I am equally pumped up about stupid nineties alternative rock. Like Superdrag's "Sucked Out". Haha. Other songs I am loving are "Late in the Day" by Supergrass, "Bird's Lament" by Moondog (good lord I love this song), and "Jane Says" by Jane's Addiction! Haha. I know. I am also really loving "Didn't I" by Darondo and "Lotta Love" by Neil Young. "Lotta Love" just pets my belly. The beginning of it sounds like "Let's Spend the Night Together" and it trips me up every time.
I am just having shit luck when it comes to guys these days. I feel like I keep meeting guys that I could potentially be very interested in, then they ask me out, and then something happens and they couldn't possibly run faster away. I think I am a freak. Or maybe my voice hurts your ears? It really is like I open my mouth and become a fucking martian. But I am sort of to the point where I'm cool with it. New York is so big that it is okay. You can almost treat any situation like an experiment because you get the feeling that you will always get a second chance. To an extent, you have very little to lose in this city.
Okay. "Bird's Lament" is playing now, and it is the best of the week for sure. I want to pretend that I am directing the band with my finger. I like to make my finger wave like a wand, dancing to this song. But only my right arm.
I am so, so tired and you can probably tell.
WHO SUCKED OUT THE FEELINGGGG??
I've lost my mind. I keep having crazy dreams. Like that I have to slaughter animals and I absolutely have to do it, and no one will explain how to me, so I have to do this really horrible thing with no idea how. Or sexy dreams. Lots of sexy dreams. A particular high school boyfriend crept in a couple times! I think she's ronery.
Little Rock is this week and I KNEAD it. girl time.
Katie, I emailed that James guy. I sort of got over him, but then just decided to email him anyways. Why not, you know? This is what I said:
Hey. Well, I just thought I would write you an email. I mean, why not? I saw the old one in my inbox from a couple weeks ago. I am wondering why you put up a missed connection with no intention of hearing back. It's weird, right? I am guessing that you have a girlfriend. If that is incorrect, then it could be that you were testing out the internet, to see if those things work? Or that maybe for a minute you thought, "I would like to see that girl again", posted the thing, then remembered something like that I had bad breath or walk funny and changed your mind? Or maybe I am just not the girl the post was intended for? That would be sort of awesome, because it would remind me of how huge this city is and I would be blown away by the coincidence!
Well, I just wanted to say that whatever it was, it made me smile that you remembered meeting me. It was a long time ago, but when my roommate forwarded the missed connection to me, I remembered meeting you pretty clearly. I remember dancing to "Twist and Shout" and liking that you weren't trying to act too cool. I doubt we will ever know each other, it doesn't seem to be in the cards, but I did think that you were great. I really hope that whatever is going on in your world is enthralling.
The other day, my friend Luke told me the story of how he met his wife. He said that he ate at this restaurant in the Polish district of Chicago, and the waitress was just so beautiful and charming. He couldn't quit thinking and talking about her. And he isn't the kind of guy to just be taken with any girl. He just knew he had to talk to her! Then, later that night, he met a friend of a friend named Sidney. They ended up staying up all night talking, fell madly in love, and got married. He didn't even think of the waitress again for years. He said, "You see, Amanda. Everything can change on a dime."
I didn't explain why I thought that story related. I just thought it was nice. I probably shouldn't have written him, but I really don't mind that I did. I was just being honest and not playing games. | | |
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